"This morning started, like many days recently, with an emotion hang-over. Lingering pain from bittersweet endings the day before and the question, "Is this really my life?"
I opened my phone and, accepting that I had already started my day poorly by sleeping late, checked my emails. Suddenly I was jolted into alertness at the realization that I had made a child's flippant miscalculation about a very serious planning decision. (airline tickets)
Instant panic shook through me as I replayed the fact that I hadn't simply counted. Everything would have been perfect, had I counted. Why didn't I count?
My brain began to spiral downwards. Convincing myself of all my shortcomings and recent failures and hopeless immaturity, I tried to go on with my day.
But the WEATHER...
It looked more anxious than I felt. Like it needed to release so badly but instead kept stirring what it had inside of it. All the windows framed a picture of anxiety.
Focusing on the tasks at hand, I tried channeling the turmoil into productivity. Attempting to ignore the matched tension outside as I went along with my day.
Then the flight situation got resolved.
And I realized I'd been taking short breaths all day.
Once my oxygen intake was back to normal and I'd eaten, I sat at my desk and glanced out my window.
It was raining.
And I released my feelings as well.
My feelings had been held uptight in a circular thought trail, brewing and growing into really creepy ominous clouds.
I know this isn't the last time I'll feel this way. I know the tendencies of my brain. I also know that life won't stop being challenging.
But I need to remember to release.
I gathered my bedding to wash them, still trying to cross something off of my checklist. Sipping lukewarm coffee while I attempted to recover what was left of the day. The skies kept releasing, and so did I.
Clean sheets have always been the picture of freshness to me. Maybe it's the advertisements of the laundry industry. I even use a whicker basket just because it's calming to see clean white sheets in it. Today that freshness was just what I needed.
I put the clean sheets back on my bed just as the rain out the window slowed to a drizzle.
The clouds didn't break to any glorious sunlight; there was no blue sky to follow the rain. But it had released its brewing tension so that the world might grow forward. And I seemed to follow suit. "